Restoration

God's the one who rebuilds Jerusalem,
who regathers Israel's scattered exiles.

He heals the heartbroken
and bandages their wounds.

He counts the stars
and assigns each a name.

Our Lord is great, with limitless strength;
we'll never comprehend what he knows and does.

God puts the fallen on their feet again
and pushes the wicked into the ditch.

~Psam 147

In a Family Way.....

Unfortunately the title for this entry is not about pregnancy.
I wish. We wish....that is Kristin and I. Maybe soon. Who knows?

The title for this entry is in regards to the Family Reunion/Birthday Party Kristin and I were just in Tennessee for. Last weekend we were in Tellico Plains, TN for our annual family reunion and celebration of my Grandparents 90th birthdays.

My Grandma and Grandpa. 90 years young!

I love my family. Even the crazy ones.

I have no doubt that all of you share with me the frustrations that families and all of their dysfunctions can cause. But nevertheless they are family. They are my family.

The cousin that knows that certain "beverages" will not be provided, but brings his own to compensate. BYOB I guess!

The Aunt whose kids weren't able to come, and she lets everyone know this over and over and over and over again!!

The 3rd (maybe 4th, I can't do familial math) cousin who brings her pet chihuahua Paris....no kidding.....and lets the darn thing run free in the meeting hall and at the outdoor Church picnic later on Sunday. She was a treat.....the dog and the cousin!

I could go on and on, but I won't. Because it doesn't matter. They are my family and I love them all. Because that is what unconditional love is. It's hard....but it's necessary. Once we set conditions on our love we set up a limbo stick for people to contort and twist under. And what for? For our own amusement?

Sometimes I think about my crazy family and thank God that were all loco in the head. Because otherwise it would just be boring. Lord knows I would rather be crazy than boring!

I thought the shirt was funny to wear to a family reunion.....me, Grandpa, and my cousin Jarrod.

Kyle's Film

For those of you who have not seen the trailer's for Kyle's film please click on the banner to your right to see them. I hadn't looked at the site in a while and went in and watched Trailer #2. It left me speechless for a good 30 minutes. Kyle was a great friend and I think that this film will be a testament to his character and mission. Please support it if your heart leads.

A long time gone.....

Hello friends.

I feel like I have abandoned my duties as fellow blogger and friend.
Fear not.
I have merely been gainfully employed!
Training at Dell these past 7 days has been tiresome but fun!
I am learning a lot and very excited to get my team at the beginning of July.
For those of you who have not heard I am a Sales Manager at the Dell Call Center in McGregor, TX. Just a few miles west of Waco.
Kristin and I have returned to the promised land!
Back to our friends, our Church, and Bush's Chicken! And Uncle Dan's BBQ. And Captain Billy Whizzbang's. And Cricket's. And Jalisco's. And La Fiesta.
So, yeah.....we were excited about the food too.
Things that you miss end up surprising you, don't they?
Well...........this might be a little short. I hope to stay on top of it more, but as I get busier who knows!
peace out

In Vino Veritas

So Meg asked me the other day what my top three favorite wines are. So I thought I would wax poetic about the grape and proceed to give my humble opinion.

First of all the disclaimers:

1. While I did go to Culinary School I am by no means a connoiseur! My experience is mainly from restaurant work as a cook and server, and as a fan of the vino myself.

2. I am a bit of a wine snob. I don't care if "they" are saying that twist caps are okay now....when I see a twist cap, you might as well be drinking Boone's.

3. While I am a wine snob........I am cheap. My specialty is finding really good wine for less than, say... $30 a bottle. And to be completely truthful I normally stay within the $8-$15 dollar range. There are good wines out there for cheap.

and finally.....
4. I don't care about vintage years. For many reasons (one being that they are almost always too expensive). If you find a winery that you like that consistently creates a good wine, go with it!

My first humble submission to you is the Shiraz/Syrah.
If you're looking at the wines at Taj Ma HEB and you see bottles with these names on them, pick them up. They are the same. Shiraz is from Australia/New Zealand, Syrah is from anywhere else (mainly Sonoma). You do have some Sonoma folks calling their wines Shiraz.....it really doesn't matter. If you like a meaty red that you can drink by itself or with any red meat/italian food than this is your wine. Let it breathe......freakin' tannins. And it will be your best friend. My favorite that I have had so far is the Francis Coppola Syrah's. Yes that's THE Francis Ford Coppola. He of The Godfather. So this is cool because it's a good wine, but also because Don Vito Corleone says so! A close second is the Rosemount Shiraz from Australia.

My second suggestion is the Pinot Noir. Made excessively in the Wine region of California. This deep red is also great to drink alone or with your favorite pasta or meat dish. A little less thick than the Shiraz, the pinot noir has more fruity elements (depending on the winery) and is much more subtle. I like my wines relatively smooth, with little to no aftertaste, the Pinot Noir is a good bet for this combination. My favorite of the Pinot Noir variety comes from Clos Du Val, it is a little darker than other types of Pinot Noir's. Yummy. A second fabulous pick in the Pinot Noir family is Iron Horse. A little more expensive than I normally buy, but this is a very good wine.

My third and final suggestion will be a White. I don't drink many white wines but when I do it is normally part of the Chardonnay family. I don't like my wines too sweet, and the dry, complex, spiciness of a chardonnay is a great compliment to a fish course, or to be consumed by itself. A recent favorite is Red Bicyclette. I also like Fat Bastard, maybe because I like saying Fat Bastard!

Just a quick word on pairing food with wine. I mention that some of these wines would be good with a particular type of meal. There is no longer an etiquette issue with wine.....just because you're eating Italian it doesn't mean you have to have a red. The same with fish and whites. Read the article at Wine.com that I gave you on pairing. Anything that can be consumed by itself....I am not advocating a better way to get wasted, by the way.....can be paired with anything you like.

Happy drinking! Just remember that it is best to enjoy a bottle of wine with some good friends and good food. Otherwise it's just sad!

A word about my links.....

I have made some changes in my links over the last couple of weeks and just wanted to drop a note about some of the stuff that's going on in the sidebar........

The bulk of the blogs I read are friends from UBC, my church, they include:
Tom, Craig, Adam, Amanda, Janalee, David, Jen, Jordan, Blair, Ben, Harris, Singleton, Carney, Katy, Meg, Candace, and Scott. Actually the last two I had the privilege of meeting at a BBQ at the Browning....read their Blogs, enjoyed them, and added them to my list. Hope you guys don't mind!!

The other ones are pretty random, but I thought I would tell you why they are there.

Cory is a great friend and former classmate at Truett that is currently in ministry in Lufkin, TX. He always has something to challenge me on his Blog, and so I hope you acquaint yourself with Cory. He's a good man!

Ann is a former UBCer and Truett alum. One of the best preachers I have ever heard. She has a background in music and theatre and she knows how to capture an audience/congregation. She is another person that I am constantly challenged by. Check her Blog out as well!

Zach, is....well, Zach Braff. I don't know Zach Braff, but he is my favorite young Hollywood type these days. Not only for Garden State, which has become the UBC movie mantra (for many reasons), but because of Scrubs. MY FAVORITE SHOW ON TV!! That and Lost. And Alias...still.

Shaun, is Shaun Groves. Recording artist and friend. He and I were in BRH, Baylor Religious Hour, together along with Solley from the Crowder band. I don't mention these things, because it makes me any cooler.....it clearly doesn't. I do mention it because I am one of the people that can say....."I knew them when....."

Leo is a great friend and mentor whom I met while working (can you call it that?) at the Compass Bookstore in Waco. He is a professor at Liberty, but don't let that fool you. He's no fundy and I love that about him. We talk about postmodernism, Calvinism, and any other "ism" you can think of. He's one of my heroes!

Teresa is another great friend that I met while working at the Compass. She is a true artist. She is a painter, flower arranger, writer and all around crafty woman! She is one of the most sensitive hearts you'll ever meet......and she needs to write more!!

Joell is a former, FORMER, compass employee! Wooohooo! She is a Truett student and another amazing writer.....she is privileged enough to be going to Kenya in the summer. I am so jealous!

Lauren is Lauren Winner. Author of such books as Girl Meets God and Mudhouse Sabbath. Amazing writer and historian. Friend to the Emergent crowd. I have met her once at a conference in San Diego. Sweet woman and amazing thinker!

And finally Erin. Erin is a former UBCer and member of Mosaic Austin. An amazing Artist she is funny, clever, irreverent (which I love), and energetic. I miss seeing her at UBC, but I can "catch up" with her on her Blog....which is nice.

Well that's it. Maybe next time I will do introduction to all the UBC folks. That might take a while!

What's Your Story?

the Blog edition

So I spoke at the Hub on Wednesday night. I had a good time...I'll be honest, I started off a little shaky, but then I found a rhythm and began to feel like my old self again.

I found this poem that began as my inspiration for a reflection on Lent. It goes a little something like this:

I am a story
hoping to unfold
as my future meets my past
I am a tale
waiting to be told
with the right words, now, at last

During my talk I made the analogy that we often present ourselves as personal resumes, with only the highlights brought to the surface.

"What's your major?"
"What do you do?"
"Where are you from?"

These are all pieces of information that you can find on somebody's resume. This doesn't make up the wholeness of me. But sometimes we let it slide, don't we?

At one point during the talk I said that community only happens insofar as we are open, vulnerable, willing, and courageous enough to share our stories with each other. Our long, winding, epic Novels. Not our single sheet resumes.

I also mentioned that we have this nasty habit of censoring ourselves, don't we? But when we choose to edit our story and leave out integral, but perhaps embarassing, parts...we leave out part of us. Perhaps it's something that makes sense of something else. This is where courage and vulnerability come in. It's hard....this is the part of being in community that sucks! Because when you are in a community like ours, that has gone through some difficult times lately, you don't have the luxury of having shallow relationships. We should be digging deeper than we had before.

So, I guess to 'splain. No that will take too long. Let me sum up.

Enjoy each other. Eat meals with each other. Make sure you invite Singleton, he loves food. Play games with each other. Laugh with each other. Cry with each other. Do all the things that make up life with each other. Because as Kyle said it.....it's a gift. But don't let that be a gift that you keep all to yourself. I did that with my Erector Set when I was 10....I wasn't very social. Make it a gift that you share.....

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The poem and the reading that I used at the Hub is from a book entitled, plainly enough:

Story by Steven James, check it out. It's really good.

revolver

*I have had one interview (was offered the job) and another invitation to sell DirecTV with an old friend of mine since I have been back in Waco. Another interview to go at Dell....keep your fingers crossed.....still looking.

*Went down to my Dad's last week to spend some time with him and my sister and the nieces. Went fishing. Lost my glasses to the depths of Lake LBJ....oh well. Bought new glasses for exorbitant amount of money.......but they look cool!

*Saw my first NCAA tourney game live last Friday! Adam got a sweet deal on Ebay and invited me to go and see NC State and Cal play. I had the Wolfpack winning over my home state Bears....part of me secretly wanted Cal to win. Nevertheless State won in a very good game. We stuck around to watch Texas struggle with Penn, but it was the Longhorn's night. Damn you Bevo!!

*I spent approximately 7 hours straight in my car yesterday driving around Waco looking for a house to rent. AAAAAaaaaaagggghhhhhh! I just have to say I love my car, but I am getting sick of it. Justalittle.

*So, Craig will be happy to know that after two episodes of Grey's I am hooked. I am going to have to borrow someone's copy of the first season and get caught up. Meredith is Hot!!

*Finally.....I love being back at UBC. I only wish my wife were here already. We have the greatest friends that you can ask for. Church people that aren't "church people." Real, funny, honest, and loving. Everybody has been so great and hospitable. Helping me out with a place to crash for a while (thanks Jana and Horton's!). This is why we came back. It's for this.

Happy Birthday Mom........

In the months following my mom's death back in 2001 I made a decision.

That we, my wife and I, would celebrate my mother's life, not her death.
In the past 5 years my wife and I have done a number of things to commemorate her life on her birthday:
We got fried chicken (a favorite of my mom's) and had a picnic on the Suspension Bridge in Waco.
We ate at sandwiches from the local deli in Ocean Beach and sat at Sunset Cliffs overlooking one of her favorite sites, the Pacific Ocean.
We rented one of her favorite movies (Somewhere in Time) and watched it while thinking of her.
Tonight we had dinner at Red Lobster (another favorite.....she loved the cheesy biscuits and cheese sticks) with my sister and her family.
The two little girls that my sister and brother-in-law have adopted, neither of which my mother knew, have called my mom "Grandma Heaven" ever since they learned how to speak english.

Tonight Deana, the three year old, while praying for our meal said - "Ding ding (she doesn't say thank you, it comes out as "ding ding") for Grandma Heaven. Ding ding that she is in heaven with God and she's not lonely."

Kristina, the seven year old, said later that since "Grandma Heaven" was with God that she's "perfect now."

I almost lost it.
I love these little girls and I am so grateful for the work that my sister puts into them never forgetting their "Grandma Heaven."

This day will always be about being with family and remembering the times we had with my mother...."Grandma Heaven."
I still miss her.
A lot.

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A quick little note about the next couple of days.
I haven't been a daily blogger, so if I don't update for a while it wouldn't be too noticeable.
But this time it is because I am leaving for Waco in the morning.
Can't wait to see y'all.
I will blog soon........

Albums I am taking with me as I drive to Waco:

*Synchronicity ~ The Police
*The Joshua Tree ~ U2
*The Essential Johnny Cash
*The Essential Willie Nelson
*The Garden State Soundtrack
*My Spymix (Songs featured on Alias including:Blur, Wyclef Jean, Peter Gabriel, and Depeche Mode)
*My Valentine Mix (including Aqualung, Tristan Prettyman, Lyle Lovett, and Elvis Costello)

Things I intend to think about as I drive to Waco:

*Why do I not have a job yet.....am I really this big of a slacker/loser?
*I can't wait to go to church on Sunday morning @ UBC!
*Seriously, why don't I have a job yet....I've sent out a million resumes!
*Billiards and beer with the guys at Crickets........anyone?

Books I intend to read in the next month (in Waco):

*Finally finish Peace Like A River by Leif Enger
*On The Road by Jack Kerouac (bought it for $4 at the local used book store, never read it)
*Eat This Book by Eugene Peterson (because when I saw it I imagined Kyle would have wanted to read it)
*Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller

Things I intend to accomplish in the next 2-3 weeks (in Waco):

*Get a job.
*Find a house.
*Move the wife to Waco (Priority number one, actually)


We are very excited to be in Waco.....it's the moving that sucks. Click here for more thoughts.

Home
or: Where you lay your head is a pillow not a metaphor for something that is a lot more philosophical in nature than practical.

I personally like the alternate title, even if it is lengthy.

So here's another quote from Donald Miller:

"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." (from Through Painted Deserts)

So I am coming home. Waco, that is. I gave my 2 weeks last week and will be on the road on the 11th of March. Perhaps an all nighter to make it to UBC on Sunday. I don't know yet. Regardless...I am coming home.
I don't know why we left in the first place, but I don't regret moving to Phoenix.
This last year has been full of stress and angst, primarily from financial struggles, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I have been able to get to know my little nieces, Kristina and Deana, and will miss them terribly.
My sister and I have been able to reconnect...which has always been important to me.
Kristin and I have waded through financial struggles and stressors only to come out more resolved on the other side.
I experienced the personal dream of going to Culinary School only to realize that your hobby can't always put food on the table, even if it is cooking.
All of these things were important, and perhaps even necessary, to get us to where we are right now.

My wife has said it more eloquently than I have, so I will rip this off from her.
"Family will always be there. Friends can leave."
Sounds depressing, doesn't it?
But true.
So we do our best by cultivating friendships.
Creating and maintaining our "other" family.
Doing everything in our power to be better friends than we've been in the past.
Calling more, writing more, doing more for the people that we love.
So we choose Waco. UBC, and all of our friends there.

Can't wait to see you.

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Jen tagged me....if you want to see my responses (some of them are kinda funny) go here.

My Wife and I had an argument last week......and we argued well.

When the dust settled and everything was said that could be said we looked at each other differently.

Don't worry, it was a good different.

It was the kind of look that let you know that there was nothing left to fester.

Nothing pulled back or unsaid.

Not even an ounce of animosity or anger.

No resentment or regret.

Only catharsis and healing.

It was pure and good and hard and painful.

Because sometimes you have to say that thing that you think you shouldn't say.

You have to voice the inner thoughts that you've edited from previous conversations.

Because in the end you're in it together and the cliche' is certainly true.

There is no "I" in team!

No not that cliche'.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

Not that one either, but that is my new favorite cheesy motivational saying.

The one that I am thinking of might not even be a cliche'.

It's more like........

It takes two to make a marriage work, but only one to make it fall apart.

So, my encouragement to my married friends out there:

When you argue with your spouse, argue well.

Because the highest highs and the lowest lows can not take away the greatest gift God has given you.

Each other.

Love First

"Jesus said, 'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."
Matthew 22. 37-40 The Message
I get really pissed off when good Christians say stupid, mean stuff that they think is helpful when it's really not. I could go into multiple examples, but I am afraid I would get emotional and angry and well......that's not good for my complexion.
The balancing act that needs to be perfected is the one that teeters between loving your neighbor and being able to speak the truth. The problem is that most Christians forget that even while we are expected to speak the truth....it must be done in love.
Speaking the truth in Love.
It may sound cliche', but when we realize that more feelings are hurt and relationships damaged from self-serving acts of verbal terrorism we might actually think before we speak.
Didn't your mother ever tell you to do that? It's pretty good advice.
The scripture says that God' law pegs on the two statements: Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence, and Love others as well as yourself.
When I read that it tells me that even God's law must flow from a place of love. Which, on HIS part, I don't think there is any debate. The question rises when we as Christians feel it is our responsibility to become some sort of moral policing agent that passes judgment on other people because of their own interpretation of God's law.

In Searching For God Knows What Donald Miller states:
Growing up in a small conservative church in the South, you hear

more about morality than you do about Christ. If you were immoral,

if you danced, drank, or cussed, you were made to feel that God no

longer liked you. And if you were moral, you were made to feel not

one with Christ, but right and good and better than other people....

While morality is not the issue necessarily, the issue that is the motivation behind this post today not being specifically stated (I may be more explicit some time soon), the meaning that I hope to extract from Miller's excerpt is to say that we often say things out of a very one-sided bad interpretation of the Gospel that has more to do with our own version of the Truth than Christ's commandment to love.

Here's to following Christ......

forgetful

Hello......I thought about it and decided not to retire the site......funny thing is, I forgot why I got a Xanga account in the first place!
It was to post a comment on a friend's site!!
I remember being initially perturbed that I had to be a Xangan to comment on a Xanga site.
Anyhow......I'll keep this one, but I might move things around a bit.
I guess I just got restless.....wanting something new.
I will probably keep the Xanga site......who knows?
Thanks Cory for the heads up.....you're right! (Besides, Kristin agreed with you.)

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Speaking of my friend Joell......she asked me why I thought she had a gift. Read the Monday, Feb. 20 post on her site. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. It can be very hard to open yourself up to old wounds and hurts. She has done it so eloquently and effortlessly.
I am encouraged by her ability to be transparent.
She and I have had a mini-discussion going on about dealing with grief.
Her post has inspired me to write something about losing my mom.

I might do it sometime soon.....Her birthday is coming up. I might wait to do it then.

goodbye

Hello Friends..............
I think I am retiring the site. Not out of blogging......I think I am jumping ship to Xanga. I'll post some stuff on this site here. Tell me what you think.....

Peace Like A River

What I'm Reading.....

If you have never read this book....do yourself a favor and pick it up. It's quite amazing. It's a little A River Runs Through It and a little Big Fish. The characters are vivid and well-drawn, and the most miraculous thing about it....you care about them right away. I honestly don't know how he did it, but there is no space between you and the page, it completely pulls you in. Just read it, you will thank me later.

Now on to other things.

Thank You.

Thanks for all of your encouraging words regarding my last post. I won't lie to you.....it's been a difficult couple of weeks. Kristin and I are trying our best to get to Waco as soon as possible, and it's just not happening. We did find out something good.....our landlady said that we would not be penalized for breaking our lease if the house is rented before we leave......that's good news. Now it's just getting there.

I have been thinking a lot about sacrifice lately. Kristin has sacrificed a lot by being the main bacon bringer, and it's my turn now. So what will I have to sacrifice?

That's actually a question.....because I just don't know. I say I am willing to do anything (as a career choice) but yet, I don't have a job waiting for me. The latest idea is to teach. It's something that I think I could do, and do well, but it is going to cost more money (to get certified and all that jazz). So I still covet your prayers......

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In Peace Like A River the narrator, an asthmatic boy named Reuben, tells us something that his sister will write "years later." She writes, "Once torched by truth a little thing like faith is easy." I am trying to come to grips with that statement. It sounds so poignant and telling.....yet it's meaning escapes me.

Why?

Because I see being "torched by truth" as an unequivocal moment that defies all subtlety and ambiguity. Being "torched by truth" is equivalent to the lips of God whispering in our ears. Like:

"your friend is gone....all you have left are your memories....."

Yet, my faith has been rocked. To the core. I still wonder why.....and cry why not me? Faith is not easy, faith is hard. Especially in light of tragedy. We can't make sense of the wickedness of the world, or of the seemingly senseless life that we live while others die. We can only hand over our insecurities and selfishness to our Creator.

In the appendix of (Re)Understanding Prayer Kyle gives us a sample of some Historical Prayers. This one is one of my favorite:

Calm my troubled heart; give me peace. O Lord, calm the waves of this heart, calm its tempests! Calm thyself, O my soul, so that the divine can act in thee! Calm thyself, O my soul, so that God is able to repose in thee, so that his peace may cover thee! Yes, Father in heaven, often have we found that the world cannot give us peace, but makes us feel that thou art able to give peace; let us know the truth of they promise: that the whole world may not be able to take away thy peace.

~Soren Kierkegaard

Tired.......

So...I turn 32 this upcoming Tuesday.
No big deal, right?
It's not that I am getting "older."
Or that I am not as fit as I once was (getting a little soft, I must admit).
It's that I am tired.
Mentally, spiritually, physically........

I honestly don't know what to do to make myself wake up.

After Kyle died, It seemed as if the motivation came back.
To do something great and be a better person.
To live up to the expectations that he had for me.
He expected so much from all of us.
To be Christ Followers in our little corner of the world.
Well.....I think I painted myself into that corner.

We're planning on making our way back to Waco.....and that's a good thing.
Our family of friends is incredibly important to us.....especially now.
But getting there is becoming a problem.
We need to get there soon, because Phoenix is way too costly.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.......
I'm expected to figure that out now....after 10 years of flailing about.....and I do need to "figure it out."
I just don't know how......I don't want to keep on making minor adjustments in my employment, without figuring out what the major overhaul needs to be........I'm here again.
And I'm tired.
Thanks for your prayers........we need them.

Greatest Game....Ever?

My computer won't allow me to show you a picture......so let me paint one for you.
Inches.
Two inches to be exact.
Two inches are what separated USC and their Third National Championship in Three Years......
All my Texas friends will tell you that their Longhorns defeated my Men of Troy.
I would have to disagree......the Longhorns did not disassemble the Trojans.
Vince Young did that all by himself.
I am not upset....how could you be?
It was an incredible game!
Back and forth.....both offenses seemed to be on track.....both defenses had some hiccups and some great plays as well.
I told a friend of mine yesterday...before the game....that if it came down to a shootout, the last person with the ball would win it.
I was right.
Unfortunately.
So........greatest game ever?
Yeah probably......
But Bowl games and National Championships aside.......the greatest game that I have ever attended was in my sophomore year at Baylor.
Yes Baylor.
Baylor upended Fresno State and their lauded quarterback Trent Dilfer (he of the Nat'l Champ. Ravens of a few years ago) by the score of 42-39.
Now that......my dear friends......was a great game.